TFW NO GF

Honestly, I don’t know what to make of this film, or, perhaps more accurately, the phenomena covered in this film. A lot of what gets on the screen is no mystery to me; trust me, I know—if you’re not on the top of the hierarchical food chain, your life tends to suck and you find your mind going down into rabbit holes that don’t make you sound particularly smart or sane. But there are aspects of this exploration that are baffling to me, not the least of which is how any actual human can crave such shallow and empty activity as the online experiences that seem to be the formation and reinforcement mechanism for the state of mind that these young men find themselves in. Certainly, I get how the obvious happens—one of the featured subjects is fat, ugly and sort of intelligent enough to make him a prime candidate for this sort of abortive life—but a few of the other individuals featured here, while not exactly Hemsworth material, seem to be at least presentable enough that getting mired in such hopelessness comes across as an unlikely scenario. Has the segregation truly grown so ruthless that only the true, top-of-the-line winners in the genetic lottery can ever have any hope of living an acceptable life nowadays? Maybe, maybe not. This film seems, by its climax, to offer some suggestions that the featured subjects do eventually grow out of their despair and find some level of solace in their lives (not to mention meaningful human interaction). But if it has gotten this difficult now, what does an ever-more-so future hold for anyone not atop the totem pole? One shudders to think of it. Watch this one to get at least somewhat informed about one of society’s more disturbing trends—if you can stomach it. 

Terminator: Dark Fate

An early scene features a whole chase sequence through Mexico City destroying cars left and right...and not one vehicle’s horn was playing “La Cucaracha.” That’s just bad production values. So much for what this flick lacks. What it does bring to the screen includes most of this franchise’s typical palette: a familiar scenario, featuring familiar characters from past outings, the standard warnings about technology going mad and traitorous—it’s not like they’re wrong about that—and, of course, a planet-sized helping of violence and mayhem. It’s remarkable that the formula works as well as it does after all these years and episodes, especially considering some earlier missteps in the series. This is still perfectly decent sci-fi, competently executed and entertaining, if not exactly groundbreaking stuff. If it winds up being your fate to have a couple of empty hours to burn, it won’t be any kind of apocalyptic disaster if you spend them watching this movie. 

To Catch a Thief

This movie is what they used to call "a real hoot." For one thing, it’s a visual feast—and I don’t just mean the exquisite Grace Kelly. The French Riviera scenery is spectacular. Meanwhile, Cary Grant is Cary Grant, with all that entails; all the performances—from stars and supporting cast—are spot on; Hitchcock’s direction is as good and exciting and clever as ever; and the script delivers both clever turns of phrase and exciting action in equal doses. The only rub is that there’s a lot of French spoken in the film, without subtitles, because in 1955 it was assumed that any educated person would know a certain amount of the language. That’s hardly a deal breaker—you know what’s being said from context—but it can take the viewer out of the moment to an extent. Otherwise this is classic cinematic entertainment at its finest. If it tries to steal your admiration, let it. 

The Time Machine (2002)

This movie starts off highly unpromising. The immediate impression is one of TV movie production value, if not even lower depths of cheesiness. And the initial setup scenes—including a hastily arranged romantic subplot that ends with an inciting incident—have little in the way of entertainment value. But then, once the plot really kicks into gear, with Guy Pearce making ever further forays along the timeline, the whole story really starts to hum and grows quite engaging, if perhaps not truly engrossing. The future world is actually well conceived, with appropriately stepped up production values and effects to go with. I can’t speak to the physics of the thing—the story’s justifications may ultimately be full of holes—and there’s at least one piece of the future puzzle that comes across as unaddressed, at the very least, if not actually impossible, but as a light work of movie making, this one does its job to an adequate degree. And it clocks in at under two hours, so you won’t feel oppressed by the passage of time as you view. That makes it time mostly well spent. 

Thunderbolts*

We’ve come a long way…um…babies? You have to be forgiven if, upon watching this installment of the MCU, you find yourself contemplating the Marvel movies of yesteryear and how invigorating they were, whereas this flick evokes, largely, little more than a “huh?” reaction. Oh, sure, there’s entertainment to be had here, including both a fair dose of humor and an appreciable overarching metaphor about overcoming abuse, in addition to the standard action tropes. But…the history does not disappear, and the influence of the past weighs heavily upon this “new” venture. The sense that this is little more than a photocopy of a degraded original—a vibe that is even acknowledged in the film itself, at least at the ending—is hard to get over. At least the cast of characters features a mostly likable group. Reservations aside, an honest assessment says that this movie is good enough to watch, and the studio seems determined to move forward with its plans, so maybe we can just keep an eye on things and see if something truly enjoyable develops down the line. Stranger things have happened, even within this very franchise. 

That Touch of Mink

A movie from another time and another place ...  and given how radically different the vision is from the world of today, it's practically by and about a different species (and I don't mean mink). For those of us with a slightly more expansive view of life, and particularly human relations, this is a movie that it’s hard to watch without having a big grin on your face. The humor throughout the story is light, breezy, dry and droll, a quality that is helped immensely by Cary Grant being Cary Grant and delivering his lines with his classic aplomb. Doris Day gets in her share of gentle zingers, too, while the supporting cast in roles large and small deliver snappy moments that pick up the slack whenever the principals need a break. Additional pleasures come from the time machine visuals of early ‘60s New York City like the Automat, various city locations, and even old Yankees Stadium (complete with cameos from Mickey Mantle, Roger Maris and Yogi Berra). Mostly, the fun comes from watching outdated manners and mores played for laughs in their native habitat and time frame. Such a story, with these sensibilities, would be impossible to tell today; you have to reach back in time via the magic of cinema to get an experience like this. The bad old days weren’t always bad, and tomorrow—or today, for that matter—ain’t as good as it seems…and here’s the proof. 

True Grit (1969)

How the West was wiseass. A lot of the pleasure in watching this movie comes from the wry character of the dialogue—to be expected from a Charles Portis-penned script—particularly the sharp-tongued observations of John Wayne’s Rooster Cogburn and Kim Darby’s Maddie Ross. Their performances, along with solid support from Glen Campbell, raise these proceedings above the level of your average Western. Also enjoyable is seeing all those vistas of the then-still-unspoiled landscape—Colorado in this case—splashed across the screen. It’s not exactly a deep story, but overall the tale provides enough to interest the viewer. I don’t know about grit, per se, but this one certainly has solid, traditional movie-making on its side—and usually that’s enough. 

That Darn Cat! (1965)

How can you make a comedy that’s a little too comedic? Here might be an example. That is, if you can describe clumsy slapstick as being actually “comedic.” When this movie plays it for laughs—really, when it desperately strains for laughs—it mostly falls flat on its face (a favored fate of many of the characters, it turns out). Even for a story that is clearly targeted for children, the humor here generally lands with a thud and can not be expected to entertain anyone. That isn’t surprising for a formulaic picture from the period of Disney’s decline. What is surprising is that, when the movie plays it relatively straight, the result is a film that is actually entertaining, engaging, charming, and even interesting. Given that the movie clearly runs at least a half an hour too long, the inescapable conclusion is that they should have excised the goofy slapstick, including the extraneous wacky neighbors, and just gone ahead with the core story, letting Haley Mills, Dean Jones, and a handful of clever Siamese kitties carry the thing through. I doubt I’d recommend this flick as anything other than a time capsule experience—the ‘60s really were a different world versus now—but maybe it stands as well as an example of what not to do when you’re making a lighthearted movie. Not necessarily litter box material, but hardly a dose of catnip, either.

Turning Red

An under-the-radar effort, made so due to its direct-to-streaming debut caused by the pandemic, that actually has much more going for it than some other recent products of the Pixar studio. For one, the movie’s main character, Meilin, is adorable, in both of her manifestations. Another solid attribute: this flick leans heavily into the comedy, rather than trying to ladle on the sentiment or delve for deeper meanings. When the sentiment does come, it feels earned. And as befits the story’s comedic slant, the renderings of the characters, settings and action are stylized and cartoonish, rather than the usual showy and ostentatiously realistic visuals; here, the dialed back appearances serve the humor well. Also, the filmmakers made a keen decision to set this story in Toronto, where the various ethnic elements of the tale seem less like the product of relentless identitarianism and more the outgrowth of the actual facts on the ground in that most cosmopolitan of cities. Indeed, the story is presented so well that the viewer can ignore the fact that the whole thing is a rather ham-handed metaphor for a young girl reaching puberty (even given the numerous instances where that notion is made fairly explicit). I for one probably could have done without the boy band element, but given the movie’s girl focus, I suppose that’s on-point, too. Indeed, practically all of this work was done right, and the result is a surprisingly amusing and entertaining film. I say, give this bit of red a big green light.

Toy Story 4

I guess there’s a reason why they usually stop movie series at three entries. It becomes impossible to not experience, when watching a fourth installment of a franchise, a sense that you’ve seen all this stuff before—that you are looking at a paper or a picture that has been copied a few times too many, or copied from a copy of a copy. That’s the sense I got watching this film. The familiar characters are there, a somewhat familiar storyline is there—this series has done both new character introductions and finding a long-lost friend in prior sequels—but at this point they just don’t have the same impact as they originally did. Not surprising, really; it requires a ton of fresh creative input to keep old characters and scenarios feeling even relatively fresh, and there just isn’t a lot of vibe that the studio was up to that challenge here. Thus, it was not a surprise that my attention started to wander long before this flick reached its climax, let alone the potentially series-altering denouement. I know they’re planning yet another sequel for this series—perhaps without Hanks, though that issue probably wouldn’t be insurmountable—but I suspect the only thing that will come of the attempt will be further proof of Disney’s current creative bankruptcy. Oh, I suppose I should note that the uncritical among us—like children, the target audience here—will absorb this outing with the same level of pleasure the first three provided. But for the rest of us, I think we should expect a bit more for our time and attention. It just might be time to put away these childish things.

Treasure Planet

As soon as I saw the rocket propelled wind-surfboard, I knew there was trouble. That item shows up as merely one bit of hopeful patronizing toward an intended--presumably uncritical--audience of children; other aspects of the production are not just trend-chasing but actual baffling decisions. The story here is a proven winner--Stevenson’s Treasure Island has been a classic for about a century and a half at this point--so the make or break with this picture had to come from how that story was presented. The filmmakers could have gone with a straightforward retelling, hewing to the original work. Or they could have presented an updated version, one set in a future in space but otherwise recognizably the same as the source, with a spot of alien presence interwoven into a human tale. But making it story with one primary human character, and everyone else, good or bad, is a total freakshow weirdo? That decision is really hard to grasp for this viewer. It simply doesn’t work for most of the characters--even the protagonist’s allies--to be, essentially, monsters. Further, having the  story's setting happening in space, yet still giving most of the infrastructure a pronounced 18th-century look and vibe just comes across as strange and distracting, not as a particularly clever or creative bit of blandishment. (If they’re sailing through space, on a tall ship with no particular atmospheric containment going, how is everyone not immediately asphyxiating, if not actually exploding from the vacuum? Any viewer with even the mildest scientific frame of mind will have trouble setting that aside.) Finally, the kid-directed aspects of the movie--including a silly shapeshifter character--grow tedious very fast, as does the shifts in tone from high action to maudlin sentimentality. There’s just enough of positive elements in here to hold the viewer's interest--mostly that happens where the film hews to the original tale--but overall, this work has conceptual issues it just can’t overcome. Best to let this ship sail without you.

Top Gun: Maverick

Yeah. That’s cool. So when does the great movie begin? ... What? This is it? Come on, now. The idea that this flick deserves its "best movie ever" plaudits--if not ecstatic shrieks--is downright risible. This piece is enjoyable, for sure, but the reputation it has acquired since release seems to be largely the product of the affection audiences feel for the original film’s characters. One scene in this outing in particular cashes in that chip to great affect, and probably stands as the most authentic part of this entire experience. Beyond that, everything in this script is so obvious that even I could have written it. Mostly, this is an exercise in self-congratulation writ large--though one that is easy enough to watch, if you’re looking for big, loud, dumb entertainment and nothing more. There’s no shame in that--so long as everyone maintains perspective. Just fly level and straight and you’ll do fine with this one. Try to take it to Icarian heights--let alone the "danger zone"--and it will surely crash and burn.

Thor: Love and Thunder

It just goes a bit too far. This series’ deconstruction of the superhero genre--irst evident in the Ragnarok outing--goes hog-wild here, with all involved playing most of this episode not just for laughs, but in the service of outright absurdity. Chris Hemsworth’s affability makes that a seemingly reasonable choice, but this film extends its form so far into the territory of schtick that it becomes an open question of, if these people can’t take any of this seriously, then why should we? The stakes don’t seem particularly high throughout this tale--indeed, one can argue that Christian Bale’s Gorr the God Butcher character is in the right throughout, so there's no real satisfaction in seeing him defeated (and, arguably, he's not here). Thus, everything presented in this work comes across as less exciting adventure and more a mild diversion--one the has the flash and dash of something well done, but hardly any of the heart. All that, plus a pervasive sense of relentless obsequiousness towards social identity concerns, makes for a viewing experience that has little sizzle, despite ample servings of action and scale. As with all old gods, I think it's time for this one to retreat into a silent eternity.

The Three Caballeros

This, a sort-of sequel to Saludos Amigos, is even stupider than the first entry. Again, this probably wowed 'em in 1944 due to its mix of live action and animation, but at this point it comes across as hopelessly dated, not especially interesting in a visual sense--with a few exceptional sequences thrown in, mostly for their realistic representation, not for creative design--and bogged down with extended musical numbers that probably only appeal to those already inclined toward being open to the musical styles represented. For this viewer personally, it all came across as tedious, noisy and probably not even particularly authentic. Ultimately, just a footnote in film history.

Tusk

Strange bizarre and unexpected, as old Mr. Ripley used to say. Everything I ever heard about this movie--even from the creator himself via his podcast--was that this one is a piece of shit. Imagine, then, my surprise in finding that this flick actually isn’t all that bad. It is eccentric, to be sure, but there’s plenty of solid movie-making here; apparently, Kevin Smith was not so baked at this poing that he couldn’t direct a competent flick. (No guarantees for today.) The most intriguing aspect of this strange work is the competing oddball performances by Johnny Depp and Michael Parks. They provide many layers of interest in their contributions, even if Depp's Quebecois accent has a habit of showing up and hiding in equal measures. I wouldn’t go so far as to say this a good movie, but...awful? No, not really. Just really, really weird. Too weird for most, but I think it works for a niche audience. There’s even, dare I say it, some intriguing philosophical musing at work here, which might just make this story something to ponder even after its running time has been spent. I guess it goes to show, from the most unpromising ground, sometimes something unique and intriguing can grow.

Those Who Wish Me Dead

All in all, this story is missing any sort of real spark. Sorry--couldn't resist. From its paint by numbers opening--including cliched knuckleheads in the opening scenes, who immediately drain away any sort of sympathy one might have for Angelina Jolie's character--through its predictable middle to its a-little-too-neat denouement, you never get a sense throughout the running time that anything particularly special is happening. Everything is competently done, but none of this film is especially standout in any way. Good thing it went right to streaming; it was fine to watch on a subscription, but I probably would have resented paying a ticket price for it.

300: Rise of an Empire

It's like watching the most overblown episode of Xena: Warrior Princess ever. Surprisingly, it also contains a fair amount of legitimate history, though at first glance you'd be forgiven if you chose not to believe it; a quick bit of research verifies a number of the details. (Thanks, Wikipedia.) Nevertheless, this is mostly about sheer spectacle--often spectacle somewhat ostentatiously covered in splatter and gore, so let's not put it in the curriculum just yet. All in all, I expected this to be much worse than it is; in fact, the film is ultimately fairly entertaining and mostly well done. I guess I’m a sucker for swords and sandals epics. Like those Greeks, you can watch this one and claim it as a victory, if the gods so direct you.

Tom and Jerry

Watching Tom and Jerry cartoons has been like looking at one of those evolution charts, except the animals in the line have been devolving. For T&J cartoons, this flick represents the return to primordial ooze, a dive to rock bottom for what were once the stars of animated classics but are now just hopeless studio "property" items that exist only to be brutally commodified to exploit whatever good feelings remain out there for what once was. In other words, this is a dreadful film. I knew it was going to be awful from the moment I saw the hip-hop rapping pigeon--sadly, I kid you not--in the opening sequence. It gets no better from there. The "music" throughout is awful, designed to appeal only to the absolute lowest common denominator of Generation AA; the live action performances range from mostly bland to downright awful--Michael Pena particularly shames himself--and even the cartoon bits, many shamelessly pilfered from the best of the old cartoon shorts, come across as tired and lame. This is a sad spectacle if you can remember how great the original run of Tom and Jerry cartoons were back in the day--but then, that's the point of this: it's designed to appeal to people who can't remember the app they downloaded yesterday. Personally, I'd rather have the memories than more of garbage like this. Nuff said.

To Have and Have Not

Casablanca lite. It's hard not to make the comparison, given that this flick is nearly identical in plot to the ultimate classic, except for its Caribbean setting and the substitution of Lauren Bacall for Ingrid Bergman (a downgrade in my estimation). The side players aren't nearly as memorable here, nor does there seem to be quite as much on the line with this plot. Even Bogart, the ultimate reliable actor, seems a bit flat in his role. There is enough of interest in this outing to make the sum reasonably entertaining; it's just not the rarefied air that other similar films--not just Casablanca but Key Largo as well--were able to achieve.

Tenet

Be your own Bond. It’s a certainty that recent rumors about someone Black taking over the role of world’s preeminent movie spy informed the casting of this film’s lead. And it raises a good point: why take over someone else’s franchise when you have the opportunity to develop something wholly fresh and new? Of course, the trick there is to do the developing and actually create something that is fresh, and new—and well done. That goal is somewhat accomplished here. This is a spy film that’s so devoted to its on-screen skulduggery that it even keeps its secrets from the audience. The viewer is never really informed about who the players are here, which side is which, or what, or whomever. Add that to the deep humbug about winding and rewinding time and everything starts out as clear as mud…and pretty much stays there throughout. You can just let those aspects slip and choose to view the scenery; there is enough audacious action sequences that it can be enjoyed simply on that level. You can also appreciate John David Washington’s cool, always in control performance as the (strangely unnamed) man making the moves, in one timeline or another. Is that stuff positive enough to build an enduring franchise a la 007? Well, that remains to be seen, in the future…which may be the past…or something like that.