Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

Big lizard and monkey become coworkers—and you know how it goes dealing with others in the office. When you get right down to it, this is a profoundly silly movie. The star of the show is basically carnage. The film takes itself way too seriously; indeed, one can’t help but think that many opportunities for clever remarks or wry observations just go by the board, often in favor of bland yet expansive explication. The story features a lot of weird musical cues throughout. And even the title makes little sense; what new empire? So there’s no way this flick could ever deserve a PURR. Still, the eleven-year-old boy in me does appreciate the mayhem amply supplied by a host of starring and supporting monsters. Thus, the lameness is somewhat forgivable. If big beastie flicks are your thing—and, again, being eleven years old and male will help immensely—then no less-than-stellar review will keep you away from this movie. Conversely, anyone else probably couldn’t be dragged into watching this one. So maybe this is the most irrelevant review ever, making it a middling achievement at best—not unlike this film.

Godzilla vs. Kong

Three for the price of two. See that's what I like about these movies: value. As for the cinematic value here, well, as Joe Bob used to say, there's a bunch of plot getting in the way of the movie. Hardly matters though; the storyish stuff doesn't particularly hold the real show back. The stars of the flick deliver tremendous performances, via their CGI presences. I'm not talking about the human actors, of course; they're all so lightweight that a puppy's bark could blow them away, let alone the bellows of the big guys. It's all ridiculous, absurd, hokey and ultimately entertaining, if you don't go in expecting Chekhov. Kong fu. Godzilla fu. No breasts (unless you count the monkey). It's a good day to be an eleven-year-old boy. The Bad Cat says check it out.