Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

This movie requires you to cast a spell of your own: [waves wand] “Explainitous!” Really, it’s hard to know what is going on in much of the first quarter to a third of this movie. The production seems to rely on the audience being so deeply invested in the wizarding world that they will instantly know who everyone is and what they are doing without any particular explanation. Alas, some of us actually have lives, and have not seen the previous installment in a few years, so a lot of the early scenes inspire head-scratching by the rest of us. The story improves in the clarity department as it unfolds, but it does not necessarily do so in terms of being interesting or clever. The overall tale is a muddle, and that’s not helped by a quantity of ham-handed metaphors for real life situations both historical and present day. Some of the magical effects are clever and entertaining, but there are also scenes where the viewer anticipates certain visuals that never come to fruition. Imagination is supposed to be the core quality of this franchise, so it’s not a good sign when the audience is out-imagining the filmmakers. I was overly harsh about the original series and its installments, so I feel uncertain about truly laying into this outing in the franchise’s adjunct storyline. Maybe I just don’t get it, or I’m too old, or who knows? But I can’t bring myself to recommend a movie that comes across as so disjointed, and poorly conceived, and—and this is the same complaint I have about the later outings in the core story—just not all that much fun. Come on, people—enough is enough. 

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

A climax that is somewhat anticlimactic. That’s not really a pan; this film is nowhere near the disaster it could have been. But it does come across, ultimately, as something not quite. The action is good, in some sequences great, and the characters live up to the legacy that they’re trying to fulfill. The story is fine, if a bit predictable, while the writing is mid-grade; you get the sense throughout the movie that the dialogue misses some opportunities to be really clever (or, dare I say it, whip-smart). But all in all, this ends up being an acceptable, entertaining, and to a certain extent even surprisingly poignant way to wrap up one of filmdom's greatest adventures. The tale of the man who swashbuckled through history is now history itself. Sounds about right.

Clash of the Titans (2010)

Cavorting like the Greeks of old...well, maybe not in that way. This reboot of the old Harry Hamlin classic is designed to be substantially more macho than that sort of Ancient Greek, as befits an action flick in a world of 300 and Lord of the Rings and endless superhero stories (of which the old myths are predecessors, if not outright source material). This outing does a decent job; it never loses the viewer's interest, presents a decent amount of spectacle for your dollar (particularly if you watch it on TV), and features enough eye candy (hearty applause for Gemma Arterton) to make the outing pleasant for at least half the audience. Weirdly, the weakest point of this movie may be the lead hero himself; as Perseus (as in other roles), Sam Worthington had a certain blankness to his demeanor that renders his actions not entirely exciting or inspiring, even when everything in the story has all CGI hell breaking out everywhere. But given the level this film aspires to--which is not exactly an Olympian height, ironically--I suppose that's not really that big a deal. Plus, it's a bit of a hoot to see several big-name actors playing roles that are probably the campiest vehicles they've stooped to in a long time. You can do worse than this one--certainly, others have--and as long as you have a little time to kill (at an hour and a half, brevity is one of the film's strengths) and a desire for something loud, actiony, and relatively mindless, you're not likely to be disappointed here.