A Working Man

Shakespeare it ain’t. Perhaps you could glean that fact from Sylvester Stallone having a screenwriter credit here. That might lead you to believe that this story is largely nonsensical, features cartoonishly conceived villains and circumstances, and plenty of stupid dialogue, but...well, actually, yeah, you nailed it. We’re a long way from Rocky and First Blood, or for that matter The Beekeeper. Much of what gets aimlessly hurled onto the screen is patently ridiculous, and doubly so because—Jason Statham himself has proven multiple times—it’s really not that difficult to make a solid action flick that delivers clever violence while not drowning in its own idiocy. Didn’t happen here, not even in a way that could be enjoyed for camp value. Even the usually irrepressible David Harbour projects a metric ton of remorse for appearing in this turd. A working man, perhaps, but not one who appears in a movie that works. 

The Beekeeper

It seems, at first glance, like this flick is going to end after about 15 minutes. After all, the instigating plot point happens almost before there’s been ten lines of dialogue, and the title character enacts his revenge shortly thereafter—so what’s left to dwell on? Turns out, there’s a whole infestation that needs to be rooted out, and Jason Statham's beekeeper-cum-killing machine is more than ready to serve as the exterminator, for another 90 minutes or so. This is another one of those movies where some person with insanely intensive training goes around doing away with designated scum, all while being able to take apparently limitless abuse without dropping dead. So you’ve seen this all before; the only questions are, how’s the execution (of the film, not the onscreen killings), and, are you already tired of this stuff? The answer to the former: pretty good—not a classic, but competently done, even if some of the movie’s...um...intellectual foundation is a bit fuzzy. As for the second question, well, that really depends on your own personal perspective on these kinds of movies. If you’re looking for your next great watch, this isn’t it. But if you just want to kill a couple of throwaway hours with some on-brand mayhem, you probably won’t mind this one. That’s about as much buzz as I can generate for this product of the action flick hive mind.

The Expendables

Sure it's stupid. Borderline retarded in many places. Long stretches of the film sound as though someone spent many hours taping random conversations in bars at 1:30 in the morning, then transcribed the recordings into a script. And there are plenty of "what the hell is going on?" moments throughout. So why no outright HISS? Because it delivers what it promises--plenty of satisfying "blow shit up" moments, and there are just a few touches of decent direction here and there. Stallone does know how to make a movie; he just doesn't always put that knowledge to good use. In this case, as long as you don't pay for it, he probably did just enough.

The Italian Job

Maybe there should be a Theory of Devolution, too. I don't know from the original, but this version of The Italian Job leaves you wondering why it needed to be remade. They certainly packed an awful lot of dumb in these two hours. Sure, the action sequences are technically proficient, but man, "Teh stupid, TEH STUPID! AUGH!"